she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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