dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
