Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
