great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
