I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
