I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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