the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
