True but thats because hes a fetus.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
