I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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