I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
