Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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