My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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