I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize