No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
