AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
