even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
