i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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