FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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