it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
