i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
