I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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