you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
