In America we eat man semen.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
