508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
