Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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