; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
