I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
