just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
