i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
