Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
