I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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