I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
