Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
