I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
