He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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