Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
