the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize