i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
