apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
