are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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