guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize