I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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