Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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