The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
