I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
