He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
