Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
