So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
