ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
