Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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