I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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