Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
