Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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