Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
