i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i will never coherently bang her
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
