hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
