Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
