the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
