dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
