fuck your aforementioned shoe
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will pee on everything he values.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
