I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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