guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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