is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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