Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
