I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
