Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
