Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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