Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
