Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
