The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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