the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
