I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize