At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
