i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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