YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
